Thursday, October 29, 2009

my question is this: why are there so many dodgy people around?
or maybe they were always there, just that i never wanted to acknowledge their presence.

then again, there are so many things i want to say but am afraid to because speaking or blogging about them seems to make them more real. and as always, when i am at a loss, i find that i refuse to acknowledge these issues.

love is not a victory march
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.

mable blogged
at |9:20 AM|

Monday, October 19, 2009

hmmm i'm feeling sleepy. but happy!sleepy. the kind of sleepiness that i used to get after swimming. oh and i probably should've mentioned this first: i picked up swimming again :) cos char brought me to the north adelaide aquatic centre.

and i'm very sure i posted this before, but because i feel the need to splash this up on my blog, here are some words of wisdom from jason mraz:

Nothing is final. One day you're high. The next day you're low. You might have a funky expressive or awful haircut today, but soon it will grow into something else, something new and random… … Perhaps you were madly in love last week, but woke up today feeling comfort in solitude, without a desire to be held.
Everything is fine. NOT final.
We tend to instantly identify with “things”. And we believe in so much, when in fact, a belief isn’t known to be true. It’s a hope for the truth. We hold grudges because of what someone said when we were young. We store hurtful words and replay them in our minds until we think it to be true. And some of us believe a TV commercial and think we need a faster computer, a smarter phone, a stronger pill, a more relaxed-fit jeans, etc. We think that certain things, thoughts, or actions make us who we are and sometimes we become addicted to those thoughts or behaviours and then become too afraid to let them go.
I write and post a lot therefore many people assume I have every self-published word memorized or that I live these shared thoughts constantly. This is not the case. My brain doesn’t reference myself very well actually, and I’m sure I contradict myself every other day in one way or another. One day I feel like I have all the wisdom of the world and the next day my soul wears thin and I stutter just ordering ice cream.
And everything is fine.
Because I trust in the ever-changing climate of the heart. (At least, today I feel that way.) I think it is necessary to have many experiences for the sake of feeling something; for the sake of being challenged, and for the sake of being expressive, to offer something to someone else, and to learn what we are capable of. These meanderings, rants, and blogs for instance provide a great deal of comfort just sharing it, even though I put a part of myself on the line to be criticized or considered an ass.
Oh well, courage is triumph of the soul I guess. And an Ass can still be of great service.
So Remember, you have the right to change your mind.
About anything.
Anytime.
This is not the ending.
P.S. No doesn’t mean forever. It simply means, “not right now”.
And on the topic of not right now, whatever happened to you in the past is not happening now.
You will be safe behind your honest decisions and mood swings.
I promise.

i still don't know the solution, but as long as i'm happy with the way things are right now, i guess i'm more or less okay. i don't see the need to find the solution. i guess apathy is better than being affected.

and anyway, today's weather was much love. please please please send me more sunny days :)

oh and since the cat is out of the bag (facebook is too public), yes, i'm flying back earlier :) see you all after the 19th of November.

mable blogged
at |8:17 PM|

Monday, October 12, 2009

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity

i think what i really needed was to just take a break, get off the tracks and start considering things from a different point of view; to stop getting fixated on my own problems, and to realize how small they actually are.

unintentionally, i've embarked on a journey of rediscovering the basis for my faith, and the fundamentals of my beliefs. I mean, i know and believe in the 4 spiritual laws. I believe in His sovereignity. but for now, i just want to find a church (and a denomination) that i'm comfortable with, and that helps me grow.

after all this running around, it's come back to the same answer: to be still and turn my eyes upon Jesus. to look full in His wonderful face. and the things of the Earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.
heavy stuff aside, CBL has begun again ): ): ): and it's gonna be a crazy and packed 3 weeks of school, 1 week of study break (swot vac), 1 week of exams, and then... fly back home :D

i miss home so much :) and gek, you've said it perfectly - marblecake belong together. i can't wait for 1st December :) :)

see all of you soon :D

Hosanna in the highest

mable blogged
at |10:40 AM|

Saturday, October 10, 2009

silver white winters (which we totally didn't experience ><) eventually melt into springs.

for the longest time, i couldn't decide what i was feeling. then in the past few days, i guess i found my answer. haha too much's been on my mind and sometimes what i need is to just let it all go, and let be.

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

anyway i think pictures capture all the happy moments. so when i'm unhappy, i should just go view pictures on facebook all day. happy moments spent with good friends make me :) :) :) yay.

mable blogged
at |6:22 PM|

Sunday, October 04, 2009

"Some things, however, are true no matter how hard you might try to block them out, and a lie is always a lie, no matter how prettily told. Some doors, once they’re opened, can never be closed again, just as some trust, once it’s been lost, can never be won back."
- Alice Hoffman, Blue Diary

I'm not faithless
Just paranoid of getting lost or that I might lose
Ignorance is bliss, cherish it
Pretty neighborhoods
You learn too much to hold
Believe it not
And fight the tears with pretty smiles and lies
About the times

mable blogged
at |5:15 PM|