Monday, September 21, 2009

so many things have happened in the past few days / weeks that i really feel like i've grown up a lot. maybe that's the reason why everyone keeps telling me i seem different or that i've changed. it's a process of being liberated and becoming stronger. i really feel like this is a fresh new start so maybe that's a good thing.

happiness is all about enjoying what you have. and with the dear ones who've been making me so happy the past few days, thank you <3

i think it's a very tiring process to have to keep thinking and double-thinking and second-guessing people's intentions and about who i can or cannot trust. but you know what? screw all of that. i think i can make my own judgments for myself.

i love my housemates. i love the friends who've actively made me laugh and feel good. and though life is not perfect, i guess i'm happy with the way things are right now.

mable blogged
at |3:57 PM|

Friday, September 11, 2009

and this is the sound of one hand clapping
against the soundless air
of you, you and always you
this is the sound of the door slamming on my heart
this is the sound of car tires screeching in the street.
...
and such uncertainty is unbeautiful.
but this is my adieu.
i remember when we first read this poem in sec 3(??) i fell in love with it straight away. even though we were probably too young to understand of such pain and hurt. those were the good old days of innocence and bliss, and the happiness of being happy without needing a reason to be so.

it's not healthy to hold on to negative emotions. and so, to everything that's made me so unhappy the past few weeks, i bid you farewell. i think the event's changed me. and sometimes i think that's what growing up is all about - losing one's innocence. but enough is enough. and perhaps it's time to simply let go. let go, and let be. if anything, i just wanted to say thank you for the experience. but i'm getting off before this ride is due. because i'm not strong enough to hang on forever.

this is my adieu.

mable blogged
at |12:18 PM|

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

looks like working for gek's mum for that short period of time after A levels didn't go to waste after all. ahaha. because she grilled me and made sure i learned how to use excel properly, i actually managed to do the stupid bio report. haha gek, your mum is an effective boss :p

haii. the past few days have been filled with too much drama. honestly, we're all in our 20s. shouldn't we know how to handle our lives less childishly? sometimes i don't know what i'm holding on to. and after all that's happened, i'm not even sure if i can trust anyone anymore. oh, i'm in need of running away.

今　負けそうで　泣きそうで　消えてしまいそうな僕は
誰の言葉を信じ歩けばいいの？
ひとつしかないこの胸が何度もばらばらに割れて
苦しい中で今を生きている
今を生きている

i'm exhausted mentally. i don't know how long more i can keep this up. 我快要撑不下去了。running away from the problem didn't help; pretending nothing's wrong clearly isn't working either. when everyone's speaking in riddles and lies, i simply don't know what to think anymore.

something inside this heart has definitely died. i can feel it grow colder by the minute.

Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins

the solace of the computer lab is strangely comforting. the school looks different in the dark.

mable blogged
at |4:58 PM|