Wednesday, July 29, 2009

as wx kindly pointed out, the week will soon be over! haha a sudden wave of homesickness came over me yesterday. the feeling was so strong and overpowering that i really felt quite suffocated. spent the whole day unproductively and feeling rather emo and missing home (and special people back home) so much it was scary. and fretting over cbl didn't help much. now i really understand why people like shota and ryo and the rest of the guys would always complain about how tough it was for them to have to move from osaka to tokyo. i never realized how difficult leaving home behind was. it feels like leaving half of your heart and soul behind.

but then i really felt really touched to receive so much 关心 and 照顾 from the people around me that it helped me snap out of it. i'm very blessed to have such caring people here with me in adelaide. it's painful to be away from home, but i'm really really grateful that God blessed me with such amazing friends here. when the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.

then i channeled the remainder of my energy into preparing for cbl (to make up for my lack of productivity during the day) and slept at 4am. x_____x felt so sleepy during clin skills as a result. i realize i lead a very unhealthy lifestyle whenever the school term is taking place. i sleep late (and irregularly), i eat less. but what to do? i'm just not very efficient at studying. it takes me a much longer time to absorb info and understand new things.

and finally, something to encourage myself (:
荒れた青春の海は厳しいけれど
明日の岸辺へと　夢の舟よ進め
今　負けないで　泣かないで　消えてしまいそうな時は
自分の声を信じ歩けばいいの

change is taking place even now, but i'm going to let go and see where this leads me.

mable blogged
at |8:54 PM|

Monday, July 27, 2009

exam results just came out :p i'm happy enough with what i've gotten (: (:

mable blogged
at |6:15 PM|

Sunday, July 26, 2009

am in much better spirits today. went grocery shopping with janene and jingru in a suburb! of all places. but it was a lovely experience. kind of felt like an adventure. i need to explore adelaide more. i realize i only know the same few streets and sights.

and just a few minutes ago, the rain came and went away suddenly. it was almost like i imagined it. but the rain left behind something really pretty (: my handphone camera doesn't do justice to how beautiful the rainbow actually was, but i couldn't help trying to take a picture of it anyway. was staring at it till it finally faded away.



alright, that aside, after having had very long and deep conversations with random ppl this holiday, here are some things i want to reflect upon.

1. i want to learn to live like there is no tomorrow: without any hesitations, any regrets, or any self-doubts; and just go forth to do the things i want to do without letting anything hold me back. Work as if you have no need of the money. Love as if you've never been hurt before. Dance as if nobody is watching you. Sing as if nobody can hear you.
2. i need to learn to stop letting other people dictate my life. (it's true. i've been a push over for far too long)... i need to learn to say no (in every sense of the word). it is after all, my life isn't it? so shouldn't i get a say in whether or not i want to do certain things? (bye bye bottom-feeder days)
3. i also want to learn to be less dependent on other people. my happiness should not have to depend on another individual. also, i shouldn't have to be afraid to stand up against another for what i believe in.
4. and while i'm at it, i want to be able to hold myself accountable for the things i do. when i aim to do something, i want to have the determination to hold on to it till the end. only then, can i start making changes, right?

ってゆうか、これから今まで以上にもっと頑張らなきゃね。もっと、もっと、強くなりたい。
弱い自分から卒業したい。

mable blogged
at |3:46 PM|

Saturday, July 25, 2009

终于又回到离别的季节。又要开始习惯一个人自己生活，习惯生病时没有爸妈的照顾和关怀，习惯不能每天与家人见面。为什么时间会过得那么快？这么一眨眼之间，两个星期就结束了。我想遇的人还多得很，想做的事也还是很多。

sigh emo. when my mum left the first time i was emo too. but at least i can console myself that since i survived the first time round, surely i can survive this time too. but i can only look forward from here, and i refuse to look back because looking back seems to imply i've failed somewhere. it was my decision to fly out of the nest and so i don't want to have any regrets.

hahaha anyway with regards to cbl groupings... i'm either very lucky or very unlucky.

and because i have no cooking equipment or groceries, i shall eat out with janene.

oh and stupid sore throat. i sound like a frog now.

mable blogged
at |12:27 PM|

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

so much to do, so little time. i'm even neglecting my baby (my mac) becos i've been out of the house so much after having spent the first few days back with my family at home ...

2 weeks is not enough ):

finally went to dempsey! in jianliang's super cool car with chengg. and then went to marina barrage with cg, jl, and sichen :) haha seriously like a joy ride round singapore. and singing super old nostalgic westlife and bsb songs in the car was fun too! whee (: and tonight was spent out in orchard with yj. schedule is packed like crazy :/ but i'm enjoying every second of it!

The days we had
The songs we sang together

nostalgia is a beautiful feeling.

mable blogged
at |12:12 AM|

Friday, July 10, 2009

today is the day i make my stand. because i always tell myself that i've made my stand but my unreliable heart wavers when the moment comes. but enough is enough. so today is the day.

Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?

Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins
- 21 guns // green day

You will soon wake to see
There is no heart
In anything you say to me
- Strong enough // Kina Granis

anyway, emo songs aside, as cliched as this may sound, there's no place like home.
the next 2 weeks is gonna be extremely packed >< and already, things are starting to clash! but somehow things will work out! :) see all of you soon! :) was v overwhelmed to receive so many text messages. loves <3

mable blogged
at |11:19 PM|

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

TADAIMA <3 i'm home!!! :D

mable blogged
at |7:57 PM|

Monday, July 06, 2009

watched "he's just not that into you"... and i liked it. even though it wasn't fantastic, i thought it was a breath of fresh air from the usual chick flicks. it was honest and down to earth i guess. and what gigi said at the end kinds of sums up the whole movie perfectly.

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope. " - Gigi, from HJNTIY

anyway, the week's flown by very quickly. really appreciate the company. it's been fun. but still, nothing beats going home. (: i can't wait!! in less than 24 hours, i will be homeeee :D spent a mini bomb at haigh's chocolates today buying chocolates for all my loves. haha you guys better appreciate it. (: can't wait to meet up with my family and friends (both old and new). and food (: haha i can't wait! can't wait! :D super excited.

mable blogged
at |9:49 PM|

Saturday, July 04, 2009

finished watching season 1 of hana yori dango. and am stuck in the middle of season 2. i kind of want to know what happens, but don't want to continue watching, because season 2 makes me cry. i wish they just ended it off on season 1, then i could be happy and think that having gone through so much, they could just end up happily ever after. i kind of feel like giving up on the main couple in season 2, and rooting for yuki and soujiro instead. but i get the feeling they won't end up together. so in short, season 2 makes me very ): must hurry up and watch the ending and hopefully it's a happy ending so i will stop being so unhappy.

in the mean time, itunes is playing all the sad songs on shuffle and happily choosing none of my happy songs. ):

ありがとう、と君に言われると
なんだかせつない

あと一歩が踏み出せないせいで
じれったいのなんのって

どうしたの?と急に聞かれると
ううん、なんでもない
さようならの後に消える笑顔
私らしくない

信じたいと願えば願うほど
なんだかせつない

ok that aside, i think mothers are the most amazing people in the world. try as i might, i can never replicate the amazing things my mum makes, even with the exact same recipe.

but today, i received an email that made me very (: (: (:

life is full of surprises. and ups and downs. and i need to learn to stick to my decisions. but i keep swaying between what i know i should do and what i want. tsk. i also need to learn to stop imposing on other people.

i am sleepy. shall end off here, and not continue watching the show till tmr then.

mable blogged
at |10:00 PM|