Monday, April 20, 2009
"take the pain out of love, and love won't exist".
why? why do we have to cause each other disappointments, hurt, betrayal, heartache? love shouldn't have to feel this way.
love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
i lost my temper in front of my friends this morning. and stormed out of the room so i could go home. which is scary even to me. i don't do such things. perhaps the name calling was the last straw. and even so, i feel bad for taking it out on him. if anything, i shouldn't have had to make him feel guilty for it. i know he was trying to talk to me to understand when he came after me, but i don't do verbal stuff. i can't talk about my problems. i feel that if i say it out, it makes the problem more real. that i'm acknowledging that it exists. i hope i don't lose a good friend because of this. that would be the stupidest thing i could ever do. oh and i got lost cos i made a wrong turn on the way home, and then i got even more upset. '
what the hell is wrong with me?
i feel like i'm becoming a porcupine again. i was beginning to open up slightly and now, i'm back at square one. i'm shutting everyone out and not daring to grow too attached. the more attached you are to someone, the more expectations you have out of the relationship, and the more likely you will be disappointed.
under any other circumstance, their text messages would have made me very happy. but today, i just don't know how to reply appropriately.
i hope i'm not screwing up my life here.
mable blogged
at |7:39 AM|
