Thursday, April 30, 2009
i think the things we do leave a far greater impact on the people around us than we can ever imagine. and then again, sometimes it's the things we don't do (or say) that matter. irresponsible niceness can hurt sometimes, as can apathy, more so than hate.
as quoted from benjamin button, "our lives are defined by opportunities; even the ones we miss."
and since i'm quoting movies, i might as well add something from "closer", the movie we watched at michelle's house.
Dan: I fell in love with her, Alice.
Alice: Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment, "I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it", and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one.
最近好像有种一直要大家迁就我的感觉。it feels strange to me. like i'm imposing on everyone around me. 皆、ごめんね (i'm sorry everyone).. i'm sleepy. and wondering how some people can compartmentalize their emotions so efficiently. for me, everything is in this messy whirl all around my head.
too much info in front of me. i can't absorb ... but i won't stress. becos stress causes release of cortisol, which has been shown to reduce the size of the hippocampus, which effectively reduces one's memory. hah. i still remember the stuff we learned in cognitive psych. why?! i should be trying to remember stuff on hypertension or anaemia now!!! haha i think this was covered in psych lectures too. something about retrograde versus anterograde memory. this is so ironic. the relevance of prior knowledge hitting home.
oh alright. shall go be optimistic and hope to cover more info before tmr. and hope i don't wake up late again!
mable blogged
at |9:03 PM|
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
efficiency. or rather, inefficiency. is making me ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ):
ok nothing serious. i'm just annoyed with myself. think cbl tmr will be quite terrible.
think it was good to msn with gek and skype with ming finally. :D love you both! <3 <3 <3 <3 can't wait for july when we can go out as a trio again. and amazingly, mingsee's hols coincide with mine. :D
am really becoming stupider however. ): and thus affecting my efficiency. sigh.
but anyway!!! its 1 am now! but i feel high/happy because i just got off skype talking to my family <3 my dad got carried away and started explaining really cheem things to me like he always does (and i always love listening even if i only understand half of what he's saying), and my mum eventually cut in to tell him it was 12.50 over here at my side. that's when he reluctantly stopped talking and i reluctantly said good night to them. ): but then the goodnights lasted close to 10 mins cos we all kept interrupting each other to squeeze in last minute info to tell each other. hehe. it's such a funny feeling to see the rest of your family fighting for the mic. and trying to fit into the screen. (: (: (: haha happy times. i am in an excellent mood now. let's hope it carries over to tmr! :D 家族が大大大大好きだ！！いろいろな事を教えてくれて、SKYPEであたしと一緒に笑って、泣いて、本当にありがとう。皆の笑顔を見た、とてもとてもうれしかった。お母さん、お父さん、お姉ちゃんと弟くん、愛してるよ！♥
mable blogged
at |11:47 PM|
i realize i've been too caught up with myself for quite awhile, and neglecting the people who matter. sorry if i've been a lousy friend / sister / daughter and not been caring enough. but i know i love you <3 and i know all of you love me <3 and if i haven't been showing it enough, then i promise i'll make greater effort. no other language expresses this better, so 今まで、お世話になりました、本当にありがとう。これからもずっとよろしくお願いします。i'll continue to be an imperfect person, but i promise i'll make effort.
in other news, lunch was a terrible affair. but dinner was enjoyable. jingru and derrick came over and we had dinner together. (: though we treaded on dangerous waters, i wanted to steer clear. not nice getting involved in affairs we shouldn't be involved in. we complicate our own lives too much, really. so enough is enough, i say. we finished my doritos though. and jingru made cottage potatoes!
and now, back to work. as usual.
mable blogged
at |6:36 PM|
Sunday, April 26, 2009
i'm tired. and wondering why i keep getting subjected to guessing games like these. even michelle agreed it wasn't fair on me.
like i don't have enough to worry about. sigh. people, if you have stuff to tell me, please just tell it to me directly. don't go giving me cryptic questions and messages in MSN convos to me and then telling me to drop it when my response is "?". like hello?! you started it! and seriously, now is not a good time. i am stressing. DON'T add to my stress levels please.
on another note, it was good hearing my dad's voice finally. haha we skyped for 3 hours straight. and then yj skyped with me too (: haha loves <3.
ok. back to work.
mable blogged
at |10:12 PM|
Saturday, April 25, 2009
あっ、幸せ．．．(: or at least that's how i feel now. of course, that's if i ignore the nagging feeling at the back of my mind that school is starting and i haven't done much.
haha fine. my blog wasn't as obscure as i thought it was. and in a sudden turn of events, my blog has gone from semi-private to semi-public once again. i figured since it's been exposed already, no harm giving away the url to more people. hamsie this all your fault. who ask you to have this kind of nickname that's so uncommon! haha gek suggested moving to a more private place but i'm too lazy to move. we'll see how this goes. see if i can get used to the idea of blogging with more people than expected reading my incoherent and random ramblings.
anyway i found this ancient entry from jason mraz's online journal! and since i really like what he's put down in words, here it is, complete with disclaimer that i didn't string these words together. he did.
Nothing is final. One day you're high. The next day you're low. You might have a funky expressive or awful haircut today, but soon it will grow into something else, something new and random… … Perhaps you were madly in love last week, but woke up today feeling comfort in solitude, without a desire to be held.
Everything is fine. NOT final.
We tend to instantly identify with “things”. And we believe in so much, when in fact, a belief isn’t known to be true. It’s a hope for the truth. We hold grudges because of what someone said when we were young. We store hurtful words and replay them in our minds until we think it to be true. And some of us believe a TV commercial and think we need a faster computer, a smarter phone, a stronger pill, a more relaxed-fit jeans, etc. We think that certain things, thoughts, or actions make us who we are and sometimes we become addicted to those thoughts or behaviours and then become too afraid to let them go.
I write and post a lot therefore many people assume I have every self-published word memorized or that I live these shared thoughts constantly. This is not the case. My brain doesn’t reference myself very well actually, and I’m sure I contradict myself every other day in one way or another. One day I feel like I have all the wisdom of the world and the next day my soul wears thin and I stutter just ordering ice cream.
And everything is fine.
Because I trust in the ever-changing climate of the heart. (At least, today I feel that way.) I think it is necessary to have many experiences for the sake of feeling something; for the sake of being challenged, and for the sake of being expressive, to offer something to someone else, and to learn what we are capable of. These meanderings, rants, and blogs for instance provide a great deal of comfort just sharing it, even though I put a part of myself on the line to be criticized or considered an ass.
Oh well, courage is triumph of the soul I guess. And an Ass can still be of great service.
So Remember, you have the right to change your mind.
About anything.
Anytime.
This is not the ending.
P.S. No doesn’t mean forever. It simply means, “not right now”.
And on the topic of not right now, whatever happened to you in the past is not happening now.
You will be safe behind your honest decisions and mood swings.
I promise.
anyway jingru is back! (: and my breakfast was yummy! and i am actually feeling kind of sleepy now. must be the thought of preparing for cbl case presentation urgh. but yes. considering i only slept 2 (or maybe less) hours last night (actually this morning), i shall go take a nap. (:
mable blogged
at |9:36 AM|
Thursday, April 23, 2009
[Edit]omg i just read this really ancient past entry on my blog about how i had an emotional outburst at poor posef and i realized it was very very similar to poor sl. haha like i think i always misdirect my frustration at poor innocent people. it was exactly the same how it happened then. like posef would suan me and i'd not care usually. but that day was just so bad. i still remember what made me so ... in the first place. but oh no. i really shouldn't have brought it out on him. ahhhh i realize i haven't really changed much. i still bottle up. and when there's too much inside of me, i explode on totally random innocent bystanders >< ... haha i remember the last time round, wz threatened to bomb posef with juice for pissing me off until i convinced her it wasn't his fault really. this time round... the same thing happened didn't it ): the suaning was the last straw that made me blow up. i'm so grateful everyone's being so nice about it. embarrassing >< [/edit]
almost almost done with my essay. but just needed to say. i miss jingru!! ): haha i am so lonely here in unilodge without jingru to keep me company.
i have to admit, it's really amazing how God placed me in the midst of such nice people. and provided me with them just as I needed them. i have my usual trusted select few back home in singapore (i miss you all so much). here, i've found confidantes in people, some of whom i least expected. but that's another story for another time. people appreciation post another time.
it's such a dreary day today. looking out of my window just depresses me because of the rain and the grey skies. kinds of reminds me of me and him. before everything went awry. don't think i've actually told anyone the whole story, even after yesterday's sharing, i think i've only revealed the tip of the iceberg. but then again, that's because some memories are better left alone. even though there was lots of hurt (and i think i caused him lots of grief too), i'd like to stop telling everyone about the bad stuff. some day i should share about the good stuff too. so that i can remember more about the happy times and just live and let go.
mable blogged
at |2:46 PM|
i am sorely lacking self-discipline in my life. dinner was supposed to be a simple quiet thing, but unexpectedly it became a huge group outing thing (hanging out in large groups make me tired sigh) that ended in yet another random spontaneous sleepover. not to say that i didn't enjoy myself, but still. i should be sleeping, if not, trying to complete more work / mugging. and urgh my room stinks of something. wonder what happened in the night i wasn't here. ><
i miss lemon-tea mummy used to make for me. i miss watching tv with abner. i miss all the late nights spent talking about our lives and other random spontaneous things with jiejie. i miss watching daddy work on his fish tanks and telling me about the different kinds of aquatic plants he liked. i am homesick. a little.
oh on a totally random note, i was highly amused that they hypothesized that i had a crush on sl. -.- like please, NO. to me, it was completely illogical, but i had a good laugh over it when he told me -.- and when i told dave, he almost died. i almost died of laughter.
alright. incoherent ramblings aside, i should try to do work. and do something about my sore throat and blocked nose. :( nvm. health assignment, here i come.
mable blogged
at |12:20 PM|
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
ARGH i just can't seem to get any work done when I'm at home ><
in other news, i now have a blocked nose. and i think the amount of food i ate yesterday is more than the normal amount i'd eat in 2 days. goodness.
something we brought up over supper last night (or should i say early this morning): why do people suffer? so that His will can be made known through our suffering. for His power is made perfect in our weaknesses.
the holidays are coming to an end ): time really does fly.
sometimes we all want to believe there's more to things than meets the eye. but when will we learn to just take things as they are?
mable blogged
at |11:36 AM|
Monday, April 20, 2009
"take the pain out of love, and love won't exist".
why? why do we have to cause each other disappointments, hurt, betrayal, heartache? love shouldn't have to feel this way.
love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
i lost my temper in front of my friends this morning. and stormed out of the room so i could go home. which is scary even to me. i don't do such things. perhaps the name calling was the last straw. and even so, i feel bad for taking it out on him. if anything, i shouldn't have had to make him feel guilty for it. i know he was trying to talk to me to understand when he came after me, but i don't do verbal stuff. i can't talk about my problems. i feel that if i say it out, it makes the problem more real. that i'm acknowledging that it exists. i hope i don't lose a good friend because of this. that would be the stupidest thing i could ever do. oh and i got lost cos i made a wrong turn on the way home, and then i got even more upset. '
what the hell is wrong with me?
i feel like i'm becoming a porcupine again. i was beginning to open up slightly and now, i'm back at square one. i'm shutting everyone out and not daring to grow too attached. the more attached you are to someone, the more expectations you have out of the relationship, and the more likely you will be disappointed.
under any other circumstance, their text messages would have made me very happy. but today, i just don't know how to reply appropriately.
i hope i'm not screwing up my life here.
mable blogged
at |7:39 AM|
Sunday, April 19, 2009
oh who am i to beg for difference?
finding love in just an instant
well i don't mind
at least i've tried.
-mr curiosity, jason mraz.
felt sick this morning and threw up. i hope i'm not developing an eating disorder :/
and missed church becos of that. ): *is unhappy*. i don't like missing church for personal reasons like these.
mable blogged
at |12:04 PM|
Friday, April 17, 2009
at times like this, i really miss my brother. he's the one who first introduced me to jason mraz's songs. and he's always been the one i've discussed mraz's songs with. so having just attended a jason mraz live, i really wish my brother could have been there too. i LOVE jason mraz. he is such a talented performer. it's like he's so casual and natural at all his actions and he just sweeps me away. i loved tonight's rendition of "beautiful mess". it's always been one of my favourite songs, but tonight's version was really amazing.
in other news, my brother was stunned that i even knew the existence of a game called left 4 dead. hahaha. coming overseas has made me do things i'd never have dreamed of doing if i were in singapore. this includes stepping into a lan shop. and i might actually be watching a football/soccer match at midnight on sunday o.O shocking, i know.
road trip was fun! concert was fun! oh no. i've been having too much fun. and too much of anything is bad, even if it's a good thing.
anyway i am really tired. shall TRY to sleep. even though the clubbers are being EXTRA noisy on hindley tonight. i can hear karaoke music and people screaming and cheering from where i am (11th floor).... ): sigh.
mable blogged
at |10:34 PM|
Monday, April 13, 2009
it's been really nice having friends stay over or staying over at friend's places for the past couple of nights. it's always nice to wake up and know that there are people you care about close by.
anyway i woke up late this morning and strangely, felt like i was liberated. i'm not sure if i'm completely? but this is good, isn't it? i'm moving on, one baby step at a time.
have been playing too much anyways. i should get down to trying to do work or study or at least try to.
i'm still sleepy. x__x my sleep cycle is. ruined. ><
<<遇見>> LYRICS
聽見 冬天 的離開 我在某年某月醒過來
我想 我等 我期待 未來卻不能因此安排
陰天 傍晚 車窗外 未來有一個人在等待
向左 向右 向前看 愛要拐幾個彎才來
我遇見誰 會有怎樣的對白
我等的人 他在多遠的未來
我聽見風 來自地鐵和人海
我排著隊 拿著愛的號碼牌
我往前飛 飛過一片時間海
我們也曾 在愛情備受傷害
我看著路 夢的入口有點窄
我遇見你 是最美麗的意外
總有一天 我的謎底會解開
mable blogged
at |12:45 PM|
Sunday, April 12, 2009
i've been having too much fun since term ended. on thurs night, there was the end-of-term party, after which i spent the night at (new friend! yay!) jingru's room. next day, we went to the zoo! (: and then went to wq's house to play and have pizza. then i spent the night with janene at jr's place again. and played with honey the kitten <3 <3 <3 then yesterday, we went to the airport to send ppl off, after which, lunch at ikea and then more card games at wq's house again o.O but i felt a little stifled at the end, so jr and i walked home, only to decide to have dinner at nando's and was joined by sl and wq (: then we played spot the difference on fb and got um. kind of high, which is a serious understatement. then we all went to sleep in my apartment and i woke up early and in time for church :D
haha people-related matters are so strange. but i guess i'm just happy to have people i consider (close) friends. i'm happy, and that's enough for me.
anyway, happy easter everyone (: i learned a new song during worship today, that deserves special mention.
Because He lives I can face tomorrow
Because He lives all fear is gone
Life is worth the living
Just because He is alive.
mable blogged
at |11:59 AM|
Thursday, April 09, 2009
the compulsive blogger in me just has this to say: 2 and a half hours of sleep and and very dry eyes do not a successful test make. in other words, the test this morning was um. pretty screwed. i couldn't finish the paper and towards the end, my eyes were closing on their own accord. >< but yes. i don't mind having to stay up talking to friends as long as it makes them feel better. i guess my problem is that i care too much? about everything in general. like i don't feel safe hanging up unless i know for sure that she feels better or is in a better state of mind. and probably becos i care too much, i get more easily emo over things as well.
strangely, i feel very awake now though. must be cos of good company at lunch (mannshing, weiquan, and shinloong) (: spending time with people i care about makes me (: and for once, i finished my food. haha is my bad appetite really that obvious? o.O oh well. not like i can control my appetite. i just don't feel hungry. that's all. it's kind of amusing how everyone commends me for finishing my food or for saying that i feel hungry. they make me sound like some anorexic kid with issues about eating. but today, i finished my lunch! and my lunch consisted of more than just 2 pieces of bread! *applauds self*
but that was lunch. dinner today shall be strawberries i just bought from the central market. (: yay strawberries.
shall be walking over to the village to meet the rest soon. and hopefully i don't regret my decision to go partying. i mean, seriously, i am not really a clubbing kind of person. i don't get like why and how people enjoy clubbing so much. i'd really much rather sit and talk and eat or play card games. or movie marathon. i guess i'm a pretty boring person. but will see how it goes. hope it's fun tonight.
in other random news which i probably should have first mentioned, it's now HOLIDAYS <3 haha 2 weeks of it :D my mind is totally in holiday mood. and it's a little alarming how time flies though. can't believe half a semester just went by like that.
mable blogged
at |4:22 PM|
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
booo why doesn't google allow my blog to load?
anyway. there can never be enough chocolate bubble tea :D whee!
things are improving. (: i'm no longer emo-ing so much, and i've given up over-analyzing my thoughts and actions. haha just go with the flow. and accept what i'm getting and expect nothing more.
okay. time to study study study study. tmr there's a formative test. eeyer.
and after that, HOLIDAYS!! (: hope our plans actually happen. looking forward to having lots of fun <3
mable blogged
at |5:37 PM|
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
i wonder which feels worse:
saying something and then wishing you hadn't, or not saying anything and wishing you had. the first takes guts. and i am a coward. therefore, i shall stick with the second.
anyway. i am drowning in readings from um. all over? i don't really know what i'm reading. gg. now is the time to wonder why i didn't take bio. i have mr soh to thank for that. he and his friend mr orange. i will NEVER forget. (though it's been let's see. 5 years?) oh and his diffusion lesson was pretty epic too, i think. the smell of his cologne... *shudders* and so was his posterior act when he climbed onto the teacher's table in the science lab. those were like my only memories of bio lessons. which says a lot, ironically. i'll admit, he proved to be a nice person in the band trip to japan, but uh. bio lessons? i didn't learn much.
okay why the heck am i blogging? because i am at my wit's end. *applause*... and omg how many ppl exactly did i tell my "bottom feeder" story to. and my "happy birthday" story as well. terrible.
bleh. i miss having something huge and soft to hug. [squishy, i miss you ): ): why are you in singapore in my bedroom?]
i am such a strange person with weird idiosyncrasies. i wonder how people put up with me. but it's a good thing they do. i can't survive without other people (which is strange since i'm kind of anti-social and i take VERY long to want to open up to new people, so i think it's quite a feat that i have actually made friends i consider close in erm 6 weeks?) ... i think i'm clingy, whiny, and just. really strange. but. i suppose that makes me unique :D
oh no. i sound high. must be my chocolates. okay okay. NO MORE CHOCOLATES. and back to work.
one last thing, i miss many ppl now, esp mummy, daddy, abby, hunzy, gek, mink, my sb, emmtan, minggy ...
and yes. back to work. 我今晚不能睡了。太多东西做。i only have my efficiency to blame. what is wrong with me? like seriously. i think i've become more and more stupid after coming here. ):
mable blogged
at |9:13 PM|
开始转凉了。天也更快变黑。
这种气氛总让我觉得有点寂寞。
): why do i struggle over the same things every day?
i keep thinking i've moved on but realize soon after that that's far from the truth.
悔しくて、悲しくて、疲れる。もう．．．あたし、どうしようかな。『だめなのか』思うけど、やっぱり彼の事が好きなんです。あきらめたいけど、なんか難しいなー。i should stop thinking this way. ><
trilingual post. interesting.
alright. back to work. i have lots to cover tonight. .______. and cbl presentation. urgh.
mable blogged
at |3:33 PM|
Monday, April 06, 2009
omg isn't it strange how everything seems to be coming back full circle? i've been looking at my previous blog entries (including livejournal and pitas and my other dead abandoned blogs) and it's scary how it seems like i've not learnt ANYTHING at all from my past mistakes. why? i wonder if things will end up like they did before. but i highly doubt it. clearly, my heart is in the wrong place. and so is my head.
gotta get back down from the clouds! focus focus focus. study study study! *screams in frustration* ... mind over heart. mind over heart. mind over heart.
okay. now i feel slightly better.
back to work.
mable blogged
at |7:01 PM|
i wonder if my appetite has shrunk for good. i feel full after eating half a pack of rice and vegetables. :/ and like my jeans are seriously a lot looser than they used to be. i suppose i should be rejoicing. i always wanted to lose weight but never got down to doing it. and now that i have actually lost weight (i presume.. i don't have a bathroom scale), i start wondering if my psychogenic stress is getting to me. haha i really am never satisfied am i? but yes it's nice to have ppl who keep trying to get me to eat. like mich and shinloong, and mannshing who offers me her food :) thanks guys.
in other words, today was okay. i think i'm beginning to get a grip on myself.
though i must admit, even though i know too much of anything (even a good thing) is bad, i can't quite be obedient to my thoughts, and i find that i become all 甘えんぼうwith regards to.... :/
素直じゃないあたしは
どうしようもなく 今 甘えんぼ
random bit of interesting info though, derrick has the same birthday as my dad, toy has the same birthday as my mum. haha they can be my makeshift mummy and daddy. and shinloong is (un)fortunately not related. hahaha okay nvm. why am i amused by such strange things.
but this is a good sign! i am blogging about things that made me (: instead of just emo things.
bleh. i need to start mugging. i miss my deans list place. made me feel like my efforts paid off. here, i constantly feel behind and slow. i'm happy to be here though. it's just that i want to make it all worthwhile.
mable blogged
at |4:54 PM|
Sunday, April 05, 2009
): ): ): i napped after doing laundry and slept through my alarm clock again!!! i hope i hear it tmr morning when i have to go to school. or else. i will miss my lectures and cry T___T
my sleep cycle is. all wonky now. ):
now i have to cram cbl readings i was supposed to be doing after dinner, which i unfortunately slept through as well :S
but ah what the heck. 4 more days 4 more days!
そして、．．．
大好きな君へ、
本当に大好きだ。でも告白の勇気がないの。ってゆか、今まで、本当にありがとう。ここからもよろしくね。if fate allows it, someday i will let you know.
mable blogged
at |9:32 PM|
[edit] 我已经领悟了想太多的是我，也明白结局其实早已很明显。but i really think that i'm beginning to move on. i feel sort of happy again. and my appetite is coming back again (: haha. the really strange thing is that i'm beginning to draw parallels between the 2 of them. it's scary how much similarities they have. maybe it's fate. :S but the thing is, i never realized these parallels existed till i got to know the 2nd one better. what is wrong with me?! hahaha! maybe my brain is still fried from yesterday. [/edit]
in a strange turn of events, the study session yesterday ended before dinner, and then the guys went off to cook while i went and made myself happy by playing the piano (: haha the cold got to me really quickly though and eventually i had to stop and go bury myself in winter jackets, socks and gloves (all borrowed :S) and try not to feel so sick. then dinner came and the good food made me :) and then we had card games that got me feeling very high again. this is the kind of atmosphere class gatherings and sb sleepovers used to give me. the feeling of getting high with a bunch of friends and just relaxing in each other's presence. it ended at around 2 plus and i reached home at 3 (though technically since we turned back the clock one hour after daylight savings ended, i reached home at 2) and turned on the heater really strong and went to sleep.... and slept through both my alarm clocks and almost couldn't go for church today. terrible.
then after church today, mich and i went for lunch at chinatown and invited shinloong who stays at the village, and then i declared happily that i found my appetite again. we even had chocolate bubble tea after that which made me even more (: haha i have been terribly unproductive this weekend, but yet i still feel so (: about many things. think i should start getting more concerned about my work and getting down to studying really soon.
so yes. shall quickly go do my laundry before i get down to mugging about mrs burns and her anaemia.
ironically, it's these small little things in life that make me feel the most (: haha.
mable blogged
at |1:13 PM|
Saturday, April 04, 2009
haha i have no idea why i've suddenly gotten back into the blogging streak. :/
i always have this inexplicable need to blog when i am emo. and i haven't been emo for really long (which explains why my blog was on semi-hiatus for so long) and then last week was just. emo-fest! D:
i am trying trying trying my very bestest to be rational and to take things in my stride. things are improving and yes, i know i am loved (: and i thank God for everyone who encouraged me throughout this long and dreadful week. (or was it 2 weeks?)
所谓爱情不爱情，已经不重要了，信任与否，也不是最关键的了，明知道空气有毒，我就能不呼吸吗？明 知道水里有毒，我就能不喝它吗？我们都知道自己会死，我们就不活了吗？
如果说前世的五百次回眸，只能回来今世的擦肩而过，那么我们是累积了多少缘份才回来今世的相知相处？冥冥中，我又与多少人回眸，多少人擦肩而过？齿轮的转动，因果相循，我又是剥夺了谁的权力在此苟且偷生？
这样的我令我讨厌。
没有人的我真的活不了。剥下人皮的我，又是什么龌龊的存在？
my first time kboxing last night was erm. interesting. belting out emo songs is strangely therapeutic. i'm too tired now to think of the "what-if"s and to second-guess and mind read.
mable blogged
at |6:52 AM|
Friday, April 03, 2009
突然间感到很开心。
虽然还没完全放开，但我已学会接受。remember reading somewhere that letting go is not denying, but accepting. i am learning to accept, so i guess that's the first step to letting go.
受到gek的影响，莫名其妙地喜欢上用华语来打字。(：haha i suddenly feel so primary-school like again. because of many things that make me (: i think i should record them down one by one so i have a list of happy-fying things to look back on whenever i feel emo again in future!
mable blogged
at |3:22 PM|
i think i feel happy again. yesterday helped a lot. spent most of the day out with other people, and becos i was too tired to cook (and so were the dinner ppl), we ended up eating out and them walking me home. (: haha so i was literally out with other ppl all the way till i reached home. that dose of happiness was enough to cure my emo for the week i think. still felt smiley and high today.
after this, i want to be happy and to learn to love like i've never been hurt before.
enough emo-ing for awhile. i hope i stay as (: as i currently am (or even better, more (: ) for a really long time. i really thank God for giving me just what i needed, though.
i don't know what the future holds, but at least now, i've learned to let go of the past, as well as the present, and just see where the road will lead me.
mable blogged
at |2:16 PM|
Thursday, April 02, 2009
也许颓废也是另一种美。
也许学会放弃也是另一种快乐。
现在的我，真的有些伤感。前两晚还哭了。
everyday is a new day. and i guess it's okay to emo, as long as i don't make it a habit.
today is a new day. (:
mable blogged
at |6:48 AM|
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
haha iTunes seriously needs to stop playing all the songs that seem to echo how i'm feeling.
i am feeling dead tired and extremely sleepy now X( ...
perhaps tomorrow will be a better day. perhaps tomorrow will be a brand new day. i need to stop mulling over emo thoughts. and stop being so ): over things i have no control over. i'm quite touched by the things ppl around me have said though. i know they mean well, and i know they care. but somehow when i'm around ppl, i keep telling them i'm fine and then i actually feel fine, but once i reach home, it's like. argh i feel terrible. x_x
haha don't think i'm being coherent or making much sense. cos i'm too sleepy to think.
i have full confidence that once i get over this, things will be fine
i miss home so much.
mable blogged
at |6:14 PM|
