Tuesday, March 31, 2009

it has been a long and tiring night. but now i know for sure. there is no more hope in this. just confirmed it, and i don't want to let this drag on and if that is God's will, i will accept it as my place.

perhaps this is just a new lesson God is trying to teach me. to accept my place no matter how difficult it may seem, and to learn that i should have trusted Him more than my own heart. damn why did i even let my heart take over my head.

should have listened to my voice of reason. gek gek gek i miss youu ): i wish you were here to help me feel better. i wish you could be here for me to hug while i cry it out. i wish you were here to help me find my feet again. in short, i miss you.

mable blogged
at |8:09 PM|

Sunday, March 29, 2009

is it wrong to feel happy for the wrong reasons? it's so difficult being in the stage where i'm trying to get a grip on myself. and suffering from the internal conflict that is raging within. what exactly am i supposed to feel? i don't know where the boundaries are anymore. and i may have myself to blame for that. but... ): ): ): i miss my bolster and my stuffed toys especially squishy the white flying squirrel. they used to make everything feel better so quickly.

in any case, i think my whining may be putting people off. need to restrain and refrain. and stop listening to songs that seem to be saying everything i want to say. haha why are some people so brilliant with words. i stare at the lyrics and i'm like speechless. cos they sum up everything i am feeling, and phrase it in such a poetic and beautiful way.

sighhhhhh the heart has reasons that reasons don't know. i need to stop wishing for more and just be happy with what i'm getting now. and trust that if it's fated, it will happen. and if not, then i guess what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

mable blogged
at |6:54 AM|