Tuesday, December 23, 2008

without intending to, i think i made people worry over me. 皆、ごめんね。でもあたしはほんとうに大丈夫だから、しんぱいしないでね。

i want to learn to live like there is no tomorrow. without any hesitations, any regrets, or any self-doubts. i need to learn to stop letting other people dictate my life. i need to learn to say no (in every sense of the word). i also want to learn to be less dependent on other people. my happiness should not have to depend on another individual. also, i shouldn't have to be afraid to stand up against another for what i believe in. i think i'm being ambitious. but that's what i hope to acheive someday.

on another random note, it was completely heart-warming to hear him say "tadaima" and hear so many say "okaeri" in return. i think the reason why my heart goes out to him so much is because in real life, people rarely ever get second chances. i'm really really grateful that he got his second chance. and to see him climb back up is really gratifying. i was tearing up so much when i heard him say "tadaima". he's been through so much and seeing him triumph through all those obstacles is really really so heart-warming. this is what i really want to say to him:

ｘｘくんへ (i won't name names because srsly, this won't really be any concern of yours unless you already know who i'm referring to. and if so, i wouldn't need to name names.)、
<3 おかえり！本当にがんばったなー。お疲れ様でした！！これからもがんばってください！いつまでも、君の事を応援するね。

my exam results were better than i expected too. :) i got As on average and only 1 B+. i guess the sleep sacrificed was worth it. to God i give the glory. it was His strength that carried me through when i felt like giving up.

mable blogged
at |10:13 PM|

Monday, December 01, 2008

i can live with the fact that things are not what they appear to be. i can live with the fact that everything is not what everyone else views it to be. but what i cannot live with, is that i'm expected to overlook this abnormality and just go on living life as though everything is okay.

i'm sorry, but i am not okay. there's just been too much of this going on this year that i sometimes want to scream at the absurdity of it all.

that said, i think i'll get over it eventually, at my own pace. i'm full of contradictions. i don't expect others to understand. i sometimes want to be left alone, and sometimes i feel needy and wish someone else would understand what i'm going through. perhaps i'm just confused and don't know what it is that i myself want.

i think i'm chasing after the wrong things and it scares me.

i'm really worried for my family. i'm really worried about my grades. i should be studying. last paper is tomorrow. and what am i doing? i am blasting music (with headphones) so that i don't have to hear what they are shouting about. and i'm blogging. and surfing the net. sigh.

mable blogged
at |5:43 PM|