Tuesday, January 30, 2007

i can't stand it. whenever i can't do it, i keep wondering if it's cos i'm just not trying hard enough, or that i just suckkkk and that no matter hard i try, i don't have enough talent and will never succeed anyway.

hai. i'm tired. v____v
oh and tmr is mingsee's birthday but i wont be able to celebrate it properly cos i ended up being involved in the post-trip expedition to st pats after all. hmm. i don't have much else to say cos my brain is too tired to think of anything coherent.

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness... For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

let Him be my strength.

mable blogged
at |9:24 PM|

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

verse of the week:
"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become pure and blameless, children of God without fault in a crooked depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe." - Philippians 2:14-16

hoho thank God for that verse <3

everyone says that when you're J2, time really flies. but i kinda find that time has been moving quite slowly for me. it's just that there's generally more stuff to do. and come to think of it, i don't go on MSN anymore. except when it's inevitable.

anyway i've been very short tempered the whole week, although i don't really show it. i've just been getting annoyed easily. but otherwise, life's been pretty good. haha i love talking to gek and minky. (: and i guess although things could be alot better for me, but at least there are a few special people in my life that matter and make me happy.

mable blogged
at |7:33 PM|

Friday, January 19, 2007

was gonna blog on Friday but i was too tired to XP (so i saved this under drafts haha)
anyway Friday was a really really satisfying day. i guess it was what God knew i always needed -- a day filled with activities (i kinda liked) packed for me to do. and when the day ended, i found myself simply feeling satisfied and accomplished haha. if only i could channel this enthusiasm into mugging too XD

i know alot of times i never feel like doing what i'm supposed to do, even though i really don't want to feel this way. i really want to glorify God and to worship Him in all i do. yet i find myself feeling so nonchalant about stuff it makes me kinda worried. but yup God has spoken to me through lots of verses and i really pray that He will hold me close by His side and to really make me desire Him more and more from this day onwards. once again i find myself thinking of the parable of talents. I know God has entrusted me with all these responsibilities... and yup i know i must try my best and leave the rest to Him. but it's really easier said than done. so i shall pray really hard for Him to change me and renew me this year (:

anyway after school on friday, i went to help out with the project-holding-hands-board, then left for cell halfway, and went back to help them :D and haha stayed into school working on the board with karwei, yiliang, hannah and mish chang till 8.45pm :D haha it's damn fun to stay in school till so late. OH since it was the first time seeing yiliang since project holding hands ended, i suan-ed him. XD for losing his arm wrestling to Wanfen [again?!] and Bernice. haha XD i really do miss everyone so much. and i do miss the things we did. including suan-ing yiliang XD haha i always feel so bad after suan-ing him but i still do it anyway tsk. but seeing everyone from project holding hands made me high. (: it was really fun.

anyway! :D here are pics of the pretty boards we did (: they're gonna be on display at the front of the canteen for one week. do come down and take a look if you happen to be reading this. the boards are really lovely and worth your time (: trust me haha.

our main board:


our 2nd board (which is kinda photo spammed haha):


ohh and close up of the quote (:


annnd our last board! (it also looks kinda photo spammed but oh well...)

mable blogged
at |10:48 PM|

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

gahhhh i'm feeling super nostalgic. was reading through my reflections book for the project holdinghands cambodia trip.... and read what i wrote there:

Day 7
...haha i think I'm more attached to this place than any other place I've been to. and even though the living conditions / hygiene level here isn't as good as the other places, I really have come to fall in love with all the people here. In Cambodia, people lead a simpler life.... and I guess they appreciate more things in life. It's time to reflect on how precious the simple things in life can be to me. For example even being able to wake up to see my mom's face and hug her is something I thank God for. ... ...

Day 15 [i'm on the bus leaving for siem reap now]
It was a strange feeling to leave the orphanage after the two weeks we had spent there. Every single detail of the place felt so familiar; so much like a second home to me. I never really realized how attached I'd gotten to the place and the people, and how much I was going to miss them. I guess I'd come here expecting to serve the local community, but ended up learning so much more from them. Truly, as Helen Keller said, "The best and the most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, they must be felt with the heart." The two weeks here have been one of the best and most beautiful experiences I've ever had, and I think these memories will always remain in my heart.

ok those are just a few of the random things i wrote in my booklet but obviously I'm not gonna publish my entire book -_-
ok please ignore me. I'm just being randomly nostalgic. but yes yes please don't worry about me. thankyou to everyone who has prayed for me and for kousuke's e-mail with a super long list of encouraging verses o_____o i'm ok, really. and getting adjusted to school life once again. :D


haha i miss everyone from project holding hands... it's quite sad cos i don't see anyone around in school much. but everyone was seriously awesome. (: kk. i'm going off now.

mable blogged
at |9:36 PM|

i love my new phone... it's really what i've always wanted in a phone. [i'm being totally random haha]

anyway today's guitar prac was =/ sigh considering i haven't touched a guitar since before my cambodia trip, i should be thankful i even remembered how to play the beginning bits. urgh i hate it when i can't do something and i know the fault kinda lies with me. cos i could have tried practicing with kousuke's guitar in japan. but eh no. i chose DISNEY SEA over everything else. *cough*.

mm anyway gek and mingsee and i had a really deep convo today. which kind of made me think more about things and people around me. gek and i were saying its inevitable to feel pity or sadness for people who aren't liked, even if they are disliked for valid and justified reasons. cos even if those reasons are valid, everyone in some way or other, desires to be loved and cherished by others. and it's sad to not be. [and at that point of time, i really felt so thankful that i have the security of the knowledge that God loves me no matter what]... and then mingsee said she has never felt that way before cos for her to really really dislike someone, she would have had to like that person to some extent to actually care about that person's opinions and actions. which is true in a way. but i think that humans have really ironic and unpredictable feelings. maybe it's because of that that i always have some difficulty trusting in people. cos of the unpredictability and insecurity of having to depend on someone else.

oh well. i'm kind of having a headache now. shall go search for painkillers.

mable blogged
at |7:33 PM|

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

i should have known earlier that you weren't mine to keep; that i couldn't have you all to myself. but still. it hurts to hear other people talking about you that way. or maybe i'm just being over-possesive. =/

yea anyway !#()*_(@$* grrrr i'm super annoyed. my photos never got delivered!! they got lost in the mail! that just wasted me twenty-something dollars worth of photo-developing-money and postage. T___T but ah at least Sothea and ChamReun have received their sponsorship money. Dunno about Daro cos he hasn't e-mailed me. but should have la. since the money for him and sothea was transferred as a lump sum.

those things aside, i've been trying to get down to business and to stop avoiding Jesus. I realised I've been taking on too many things and clinging on to too many things on my own.

taken from bel's book (i can't remember what it was called) :



Amen to that...
"... His banner over me is love." - Song of Songs 2:4
everytime i wander off and feel totally lost, it is His love that calls me back. God is faithful even when we are not. Knowing that leaves me lost in wonder... lost in praise.

mable blogged
at |7:33 PM|

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

suddenly i just feel so tired. of everything.
almost threw up on the bus. but i was too sleepy to. yea that's how i felt.

a picture's worth a thousand words. it's enough to bring me back. enough for me to relive it all. thankyou to whoever invented the camera.

Jesus, O Lord. I feel lost. Find me, Lord. Find me and take me back into your embrace. I cried when we sang "Worthy is the Lamb" this morning during SV. I was tearing like mad. The knowledge of his sacrifice never fails to move me to tears. and i always feel so awed. that he would actually choose the cross, that he would actually do this for me. He is faithful even when I am not.

...

mable blogged
at |11:23 PM|

suddenly i just feel so tired. of everything.
almost threw up on the bus. but i was too sleepy to. yea that's how i felt.

a picture's worth a thousand words. it's enough to bring me back. enough for me to relive it all. thankyou to whoever invented the camera.

Jesus, O Lord. I feel lost. Find me, Lord. Find me and take me back into your embrace. I cried when we sang "Worthy is the Lamb" this morning during SV. I was tearing like mad. The knowledge of his sacrifice never fails to move me to tears. and i always feel so awed. that he would actually choose the cross, that he would actually do this for me. He is faithful even when I am not.

...

mable blogged
at |11:23 PM|

Monday, January 08, 2007

cham reun wrote to mish and me! *beams*

hah. that really brightenned up my day. thankfully. i really needed it.
i miss ms wong and mr tan and everyone from project-holdinghands.


somehow school feels the same as last year. oh and i keep forgetting it's 2007 already. i've been writing all my dates (on worksheets and stuff) wrongly and then i keep having to change the year to '07 instead of '06.

yes... time to let go, time to move on, time to get a grip. focus. (: you can do it. i'll put them at my finishing line. they'll be my goal. じゃ、お互いに頑張っていきましょう！！ 大変だけど、がまんするよ~ ♪ aha. よかった。i seem to have perked up abit (: if things keep on progressing this way, i think it'll all work out fine.

mable blogged
at |1:34 PM|

Friday, January 05, 2007

whew. first week of school over. x___x i'm still having trouble getting acclimatized to school life. cos for me, i guess time seemed to stop that day. everything i do reminds me of them. all the songs playing in my head reminds me of them. and i miss them so so much. they say that time will heal. but right now i don't wanna forget. i don't wanna let my feelings fade to something lukewarm.

sigh. i know it's time to move on. time to pick up from where i left the pieces. time to get up and get started. ganbare, you can do it (:

i'll never forget
how it felt so real
being there with you

mable blogged
at |3:32 PM|

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

I try to read
I go to work
I'm laughing with my friends
But I can't stop
To keep myself from thinking..

haha when i first heard that song it was simply a catchy song. but songs are made more beautiful when you can actually put urself in the shoes or point of view of the persona(?). almost cried haha.

unbelievable. school has officially re-openned. but oh well. at least nov/dec was magic. pure magic. i loved cambodia and japan. almost cried when i left the orhpanage in cambodia. but when i left japan, my sister had to go all teary so i started crying buckets too... and i cried all the way past the immigration counter. i think the officer in charge was kinda o____O at me. but yea i guess i don't show it much but i can be a little (too) emotional at times. well unless you already know that side of me, you wouldn't be able to tell.

haha funnily Charles went to cambodia too. but he went siem riep not pnom penh. when he said in his sms i was like O___o haha how coincidental. but yea! cambodia rawks. i'm definitely gonna go back there after this year.

zzzz nothing much has happened on the first day of school. i'm just scared. and being stupid. i should snap out of it.

mable blogged
at |4:53 PM|