Monday, August 28, 2006

had frieda's farewell dinner last friday...
somehow just felt weird thinking about how things would change from now. in the past few months, i've really enjoyed all the one-to-one sessions i've had with her and i really thank God for letting our paths meet.

three farewells in four months for me, this being the second. でも怖くない... God has let me learn a great deal from all these i guess.

"悲しむもは幸いです。その人たちは慰められるから。"
- Matthew 5:4

mable blogged
at |9:45 PM|

Thursday, August 24, 2006

God has been very patient with me for the past few weeks... I dunno. It just feels so tiring after struggling with some issues with my own strength, and somehow after I committed it into His hands, I can really feel the difference. I wonder how many times it'll take me before I learn to just trust in His strength. Why do i always push on stubbornly with my own weak strength, only to get all tired and exauhsted and jaded about everything and suddenly realise that all this while He was trying to reach out to me. but yup yesterday was slightly better after sorting out some of my priorities.

anyway what was discussed in cell today kind of struck me. And during those minutes when we were individually asking God to examine our own hearts, it made me reflect alot on the past few weeks also. right now i just want to commite everything into His hands and let His strength guide me. time to let go of all these distractions and let Him lead.

"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." -Isaiah 30:15

mable blogged
at |8:58 PM|

Monday, August 21, 2006

...

option a, b or c. hmmm decisions are hard to make. but yes it's time to make a stand. and i've chosen ___ . Lord I just pray that You bless me with determination to stick by my choice.

anyway ma'am said she never watched any TV at all while she was in JC. o_____o i think that's why she's so smart and cool. oh well.

"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat - for He grants sleep to those He loves." Psalms 127:1-2

I shall pray for God to take control of everything in my life... that He will take charge of it all.. Hmm not many people read my blog but those who still do (or if you're one of those phantom readers who never tag), that's my prayer request. help me pray for God's will to keep unfolding in my life and for me to just let Him take charge of everything.

His love endures forever.

mable blogged
at |9:01 PM|

Sunday, August 20, 2006

him: 何で？why do you never call me by my first name?
me: ...えっ.. 名前はナーニー？

oh dear how embarassing =/

nvm. on to something else.

"If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold all things have become new." - 2 Corinthains 5:17

"Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God. And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight. " - 1 John 3:21-22

Lord I just pray that You will continue to lead me each day. Lord, help me to have faith in things that seem impossible, because nothing is impossible for You, Lord. Help me to have the courage to keep persisting and praying for things that seem just too overwhelming for me at this instant. Take away my fear, Father, and help me not to be paralysed by it. I love You Lord, and I know Your perfect love casts out all fear. Remind me that You are with me Lord, and that You will see me through; Your prescence will be with me.

mable blogged
at |9:41 PM|

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

"Let them give thanks to the LORD for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men, for He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things." - Psalms 107:8-9

it's been a tiring start to the week. it's only tuesday and i feel very worn out already. haha left this 8 mark question totally blank in the physics test today cos i didnt understand the first part so i couldnt do the following parts =x garghhh. nvm nvm.

fasting for my family makes me grow closer to Him cos when I battle with temptations and try to block out distractions, I realise I start to focus more on Him. but yepp God is good (: His love is a mountain firm beneath my feet. He gives me security. (currently fasting 2 days a week. )

kaes. gotta end off here. random thought: i think i'm starting to think more monosyllabically. i guess when i'm stressed, i think in choppy thoughts and not flowy sentences. so my thoughts are currently this big jumbled mess. okaaayyyyy digress. -_- shall really end off here.

mable blogged
at |8:12 PM|

Monday, August 14, 2006

it seems to me that all my life, every time i get sort of comfortably attached (emotionally) to someone, that someone somehow has to leave my life. my first ever best friend changed kindergarten when we were 5? or 6? and then i just never saw him again. then in primary school i had a very close friend but she migrated and somehow the promises of "we'll keep in contact" and "friends forever" just didn't seem to last. and just this year itself, quite a few special people are leaving me too. kanashii.. but no matter what, i wont be afraid. i will be brave and remember that Jesus is with me... zettai, His strength will lift me up.

mable blogged
at |11:24 PM|

Saturday, August 12, 2006

it's like pouring water out of a jug.. no matter how you try afterwards, you can't possibly collect back every single droplet. =/ or worse still. you might not even be able to collect anything back. i hate talking in riddles. but. this is a personal issue that's strictly between me and God (: noone else would understand. grrr. i've been struggling with it for too long. i need to find a way to end the guilt, end the negative feelings, end the unforgiveness (both sides). in short, i need to find away to let go to all this unhappiness and finally move on.

anyway whoever said platonic relationships were impossible/hard to maintain? i think that if you really know someone well enough, you'd know how you view him/her : as a friend or in a romantic light. like how i view Kou-chan. he's so much like a really good friend or brother.. (and yes he's like a soulmate cos he understands even the things i don't know how to express in words.) it's like impossible for either of us to have romantic inclinations. it'd feel just as wrong as having romantic inclinations on your biological siblings. oh well in any case, i'm blessed to have him as this friend and brotherly figure in my life (: ともだちになれて、本当によかった!

sigh. i really don't see how things are gonna work out. =/ but then i'll wait and see.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

i know that somehow, He is in control; that He has a plan for me. but it's just really hard right now when i've made so many mistakes and blunders and like nothing seems to be making any sense. but yes, i will trust in Him. (:

mable blogged
at |11:06 PM|

The rules:
Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italise the statements that you WISH are true.
Then, tag 5 people to do the same test.

I miss somebody right now.
I dont watch TV these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes [i've stopped (: unless you count "shucks"]
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart. [at times i wish i were. but i'm contented to be the way i am (:]
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, n scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really,really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I LOVE the way i look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings. [less these days (: Praise God]
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I enjoy window shopping
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a BETTER dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future
I have changed a diaper before
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger. haha..if possible.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have tried alcohol before.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past. HUH???
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends. It's either we all die or I make sure we all live at the end of the day.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i LOVE it.
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with guys.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs. [hmm i don't know.]
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love getting hugs.
I've fallen for the worst people.
I adore bright colours. All colours are beautiful.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell i just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I love kisses.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I can tie a cheery stalk with my tongue.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
I think climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that i work/study with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.

i tag anyone who wants to do this. :p

mable blogged
at |8:17 PM|

Sunday, August 06, 2006

after a whole life of searching, i believe he's finally found a place he can call home.

"then from the same pattern,
God crafted another person - a perfect match.
And He thought, someday
they will find each other
And everyone will know
they belong together..."

"that their hearts might be comforted, being knit together in love." - Colossians 2:2

i think it's wonderful they managed to find each other. they're like two pieces of a puzzle that fit together perfectly. it's amazing how well they complement each other's lives. this kind of love, this kind of relationship only materialises if we wait for His perfect plan to be revealed.

oh well. before i think about what uni i want to go to or what job i'm aiming for, i should worry more about meeting promotion criteria yea? i'm just thankful for how Jesus has been showering me with blessings this weekend and sending me many angels to brighten up stuff. (:

Patience, my friend, is a virtue (: and only in Jesus can I find a true sense of security and peace. He is with me always, even to the end of the world.

"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." - Matthew 28:20

mable blogged
at |3:10 PM|

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

at times i'd get so jealous of people with no PO and people allowed to go to church and be active in church and people with parents to lead them in their daily walk with Him. but then i know it's wrong to feel this way. cos there must be a reason He placed me in this family. and i know He's already working in their lives..

oh well. i haven't been in a very good mood for the past few days. sigh. i'm a lousy friend/sister, yes i know. but i just don't know how to say "i'm sorry". it's just TWO WORDS but it seems so hard to say them. and i have no idea how to make ammends. at times like these, i really don't know what to feel. inside of me, i have a dozen emotions fighting for dominance. (guilt? sadness? frustration? i don't know.)

but yesterday when visiting denise's blog, i chanced upon this youtube video with clips from passion of the christ and this song by third day called 'love song' in the background and then all the tears just came. the value of His sacrifice rehit me and then i couldn't stop crying. yes.. He loves me despite the filth and dirt i was in before He found me. thankyou Lord. thankyou for your sacrifice and promise.

and here are the lyrics...

mable blogged
at |8:46 PM|