Sunday, April 30, 2006

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

-1 Corinthians 13:4-7

wow. it's amazing how sometimes you read a verse you've known for quite long already plus already read it several times, but you're still able to learn new insights. it's really God speaking to me through His word... though the new insights are kind of personal la. so i won't share them here.

haha my pw group is really great i think. (: quite happy with the arrangements. (: everyone's really sweet and yayy we sort of managed to complete the group proposal thingy on saturday. macs is quite a fun place to discuss work i realised. but the person serving us was uh... quite funny. he dropped my entire ice cream (cone included) into the chocolate sauce. =/ and when beemin asked for a mcflurry, he asked beemin if he wanted the meal... then beemin was like "...?" haha and when mag asked for an apple, he went like"apple? we have apples?" lol.
then after pw discussion, mag, beemin and i went off to that crazily expensive paper-craft shop at citylink. (lurong left early and beedict was sick and didnt come). and oh my gosh the notebooks are prettyyyyyy! but also expensiveeee!!!! haha i love pretty note books.

anyway i wish i'd known about the 梁文福 chinese talk in school. ): I'd have wanted to go for it and buy his book. xinrui was saying that he talked about the differences in friendships in the past as compared to now. which really struck me. like the origins of the term 知音, literally translating to knowing a tone/sound, but means a bosom confidante/friend. that story touched me alot although it seemed abit exaggerated... i really like the chinese language. (: it's really a very beautiful language.

to end off, i really want to love others just as Jesus loved me. but i know it's very hard to display true love.. the only way i suppose is to love others through loving God. because our God is love.

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him."

-1 John 4:16

yes indeed, God, you are my one and only <3

mable blogged
at |2:48 PM|

Thursday, April 27, 2006

because kousuke gave me a great reminder; because God has been trying to talk to me all week; because I've been seeing these verses over and over again, ...

mable blogged
at |9:51 PM|

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to stop trying to put on a tough front; to stop trying to tell yourself you can do it by your own strength; but rather, to let go and TRUST Him. for He works in ways we sometimes fail to comprehend. It's only after everything, when you're looking back on it all, that you realise why God made some things happen. but indeed, i need to learn to trust God, to do all things through His strength, not mine.

boring today-rant (which I would have put under an LJ cut if this was an LJ):
exco-elections were today. haha dunno how la. i know for sure i'm not an outright popular kid. so we'll see how things turn out. but God knows best. so I'll leave it to Him. (: haha anyway after it ended, Beemin, Gek, Minky and I decided to walk to J8 from the backgate... in the rain. walking in the rain is fun! (: haha then we were walking by this very deserted slope. and Beemin morbidly suggested that a body (corpse) might roll out of the bushes, down the slope, and *crash* right into us. -_- haha then I was like "uhh.. ok then we'll scream, go home and leave you to deal with the body. you can call the police or something." and then just then jon chua popped out and said hello. then Gek and I were like "omg a body just appeared! Benjamin why aren't you calling the police?" haha ok nvm not funny.

after that i spent about 15 mins looking at devotional guides in Life bookstore at J8. so nice! I want a prayer /QT journal. They have beautiful ones but they're really expensive though =( yayyyy then i finally got to meet jon goh (: haha haven't seen him for ages i think. didn't recognise him though. cos the NYJC uniform looks so diff from his prev one. but it looks quite nice actually. all brown. haha jon goh is nice to talk to. (: had a long mrt ride home. after which i went home and told my dad about my lower back ache. and he came to the conclusion that i coughed too hard so i sprained a ligament there. like owwww. i have problems putting on my shoes now. and bending down to pick up stuff too. ouch.

hmmm alrite i should end here. feeling very sleepy. i've been feeling sleepy for the whole week actually. x_X

mable blogged
at |8:38 PM|

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

All that I adore is in You

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Monday, April 24, 2006

blessings come in many forms. and i think being able to wake up in a warm cosy bed, with the knowledge that your mum is upstairs preparing breakfast for you, and knowing that the rest of your family members are safe and sound (still sleeping)... yes that's definitely a blessing. (:

God sent me many special people the past few days. And I'm really so blessed to know them. And today was quite cool too. my PW group is really nice.. Beedict, Beemin, Mag, Lurong. All very nice and sweet people. I'm quite relieved that at least it'll be kinda fun working with them. and James and Jianliang and Weiyi and Chenggong... Oh man. Laughed myself silly over the Big T and T square and how T cube has no solution. XD I think you guys are the cutest funniest bunch of people and I'm so happy to be in your class.

hmmm anyway stayed in school till quite late today cos there was exco interviews. Before the interviews, Gek, Beemin and I were having lots of fun talking about shows, lame jokes and *squeals* Toro! :D Toro is really cute and he really reminds me of Teppei for some odd reason. Think it's the eyes. haha Gek is really fun to talk to... i miss being in her class. sigh. oh then yea back to the point. interview. Hmmm. I don't know how I did la. but I must say I kind of panicked and didn't know what i was talking about. especially when they asked treasurer-specific questions >.< Oh well. It was raining after my interview. so Beemin's dad gave me a lift to the mrt station. so nice (: heh.

it's been a long day. and this week will probably be a long tiring week too. I can't wait for the next holiday. Monday. Labour day. I'll be counting down. XP

Thankyou Lord for all these special people around me. I know I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for them. And I thank you for letting me meet them. Although I was skeptical, I'm glad I waited and trusted and heh all i have to say is a great big thankyou!

When the Lord closes the door, He opens a window. (: And I love the feel of the breeze coming in through that window :D

mable blogged
at |9:54 PM|

Friday, April 21, 2006

oh-my-gosh. it's FINALLY the WEEKENDS! what a tiring packed week.

I need to seriously go revise physics. like oh shucksssss i've forgotten everything about thermal physics. and the test isn't that far off leh. and what else. common-test after june hols includes EVERY single topic up to gravity? oh dear. I've forgotten everything about all the earlier topics. this is NOT good. I need to revise ALOT during june hols. and that's just one subject. As for biology. uhhhh. i need to start revising from the beginning la. i've been lost for quite long already. blehhh x_x;;

haha jon goh is right. i should do more school work. and stop slacking so much. this week excused la. cos there was guitar concert. and i was sick since Good Friday bleh. ok ok. shall pray for a speedy recovery and then, i must really start being a mugger!

apart from that, i just found out xinrui goes to FCBC too. and he was like "??!! how come i nv see you before?!" and then i explained about the PO and how im not allowed to go. hahhaa sighh i've told so many ppl that story i can recite it without thinking. but yea.. i shall keep praying for my daddy. and that one day the whole family will be committed to the Lord :D

alirte! shall go slack abit since it's Friday night! wheeee :D

mable blogged
at |10:07 PM|

Thursday, April 20, 2006

hehe i haven't posted here for such a loooong time! =) i can't be bothered to turn on my computer nowadays. but i don't think this is really considered a hiatus yet :b anyway guitar concert was a blast =)though i think we kind of screwed up the ending of the shiawase song. aww =(

hmmm was going to reply kousuke's lovely e-mail when he called :D and i had a nice 1-hour chat on the phone with him hehe. :D was updating him on what's been happening lately and lol he thinks jianliang sounds amusing. but yup yup the more one gets to know jianliang, the more one feels that jianliang is a lovely and wonderful friend. (: haha i think kou-chan sounds very cuuuute when he says "nan toka nya-ru saa." he totally copied that line from gokusen2. sheesh. ooo and then he was like "ne! i learnt how to play [kimi wo omou toki] on the guitar!" and i told him "demo atashi mou jyannizu wo sotsugyoushita yo..." and he was like "USO!!!!MAJIDE?!" haha so sad kou-chan is going back to Japan this year to enter university. ): haha meijidaigaku. clever kiddo. =) nvm at the end of the year im gonna visit my sis who will be going to waseda. can visit him at the same time. :D

looking back on the past few days, I'm really really thankful that God pulled me through it all. was listening to "The Wonderful Cross" just now and just started crying and crying. the sacrifice, Lord, is just amazing.. and to know that Jesus did that for us.. wow. it just takes my breath away. I'm glad I got to meet Frieda and Gavin today =) They're really nice people. And so very helpful. =)

Feeling sleepy. and worried over econs. yarghhh. should try to mug a little at least. hmmm.

mable blogged
at |8:50 PM|

Sunday, April 16, 2006

URGH. stupid germ/virus/whatever it is. >.< I've been lying in bed for the whole weekend and I'm still having a stupid fever. and sore throat. and cough. and arghhh. tests and concert and spas coming up. and ahhhhh i have no idea where my footstool is. alrite alrite i won't stress. God will lead me through it. This I can be sure of.

X( Oh noes. I hope tomorrow won't be too demanding a day. But what will come, will come. I'll just trust that God will take my hand and walk through tmr with me. a nice reminder from weixian (:

Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

but for now... i must start getting ready to go back to school! my fever's currently stagnating at 37.3 degrees which is a good sign (: yesterday it reached its highest point of 39.5 degrees. and then now it's sort of yea.. stagnating.

oh alrite. i should end off here before i get incoherent.

mable blogged
at |6:53 PM|

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

tsk. gossiping with weiyi and jianliang is super-duper fun (: but aiya i should try and curb it once in awhile. too much gossiping won't do me any good. but i still think talking to weiyi and jianliang is fun. (: haha and oh noes. my new bag looks like chenggong's. just that mine is very interestingly coloured. but yay! i love my new bag. all the more so because it's a present from my mommy and daddy <3

anyways God has been very patient with me.

Let me see forever
With eyes You've opened
Standing in the beautiful light
Hold me near
Hold me near to You
And let me see the world through Your eyes

I've fallen in love with Jesus all over again. It's such an amazing feeling.. cos His love is so amazing. Knowing that no matter how battered, how lost, how weary I am, He died for me so many years ago.. Just knowing He loved me even then.. Then I learn to take a deep breath, and lean into His arms and feel the warmth of His embrace. And I know He'll tide me through it all.

I'm also very encouraged that Chenggong is finding strength from God. (: I know God loves each and everyone of us... and I'm so glad she's slowly finding her way to Him.. and then there's him. Shouldn't mention names la. in case it's personal and he doesn't like this to be publicized. but yea.. I know God is watching over him even now. even though he is facing alot of challenges and burdens. and I really pray that He will continue to look to You Lord, as his pillar of strength. and that he will learn to lean his burden on you; that you will give him strength. Was praying about them... sort of. and then I remembered Isaiah 40:31 "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." For God is a faithful God; for God is a God of love... I know that He is waiting on the other side of every tear drop. Lord please continue to watch over those I care about.. those that mean alot to me. Let them look to You, Lord, as their pillar of strength, and help them know that Lord you are watching over them, that Lord, you will never abandon them. In your most precious name I pray, Amen.

mable blogged
at |10:53 PM|

Monday, April 10, 2006

wow i feel damn high and tipsy after a ridiculously funny and fun msn convo with weiyi and jianliang. thank goodness for the 2 of them. i'm really really thankful for the 2 of them cos they really made me laugh till my sides hurt. and yea i was kind of feeling ):):): but the 2 of them are so fuuuuun and cute that they made me (:(:(:(: wheee! shucks what a pity this isnn't my computer. and that convo isnt in my msg history ): ahhhh. but anyway! im feeling super high. :D and it's not good to feel high at 1.16am in the morning! im supposed to be SLEEPING. hahaha.

now i finally see why God didn't lead me to where i expected Him to lead me to. I'm really happy where I am. and I've been blessed lots. Thankyou Lord! (: I know you'll never abandon me. Each difficult period has it's purpose. And even in the darkness I'll still declare, "Blessed be Your Name <333" hehehe. i think i really sound drunk. I haven't felt this high in such a long time :D

mable blogged
at |1:12 AM|

Sunday, April 09, 2006

I've been wanting to blog about this for really long. but i either couldnt be bothered to come online or felt too tired to. but during cell on Friday, the message really hit home (: and I'm so glad for that. cos it reminded me that what God wants is that hunger for Him; that great burning desire for Him.

All that I adore, is in You.
Lord I give You my heart,
I give You my soul.
I live for You alone
Every breath that I take,
Every moment I'm awake.
Lord have Your way in me.

For so long I've lost track of what's been going on, but Daddy I'm home again. (:

and this reminds me. in case you still read my blog.. well here's what i need you to know. you misunderstand me when i say i'm not ready for a relationship. what i mean is that I'm rededicating my whole heart to Christ, my prince. and I don't think I could ever go into another relationship so soon because my heart is already with Christ. even if i did start another relationship, it would have to be a God-centered relationship. the focus of that relationship would be on God.. meaning that in that relationship, both parties would help each other to grow in the Lord. And this isn't about being worthy of anyone's love or not. It's just that some things don't work out. I really just want us to be friends and for you to move on. I'm moving on and you need to too. because if you keep clinging to the past it's not going to help you move on. There's so much more to life than BGRs. If you channel some of that time into being a better: 1. son 2. friend 3. classmate, i'm sure you'll find life a whole lot more meaningful. which is what I'm doing now. I'm focusing more on God, learning to be a more patient sister, being a better daughter (and sharing more with my mum/dad), learning to look at the same people in a new light....... yea you'll find that life is a whole lot more meaningful and enjoyable. and well.. don't dedicate your whole life to one human being. it's not worth it. take it from someone who knows. the only one that someone can dedicate his/her whole life to is Christ (: because Jesus is all I'll ever want/need.

mable blogged
at |5:55 PM|

Thursday, April 06, 2006

so it ended. i guess it shouldn't have begun in the first place. but i was foolish and stubborn and probably too strong-willed. and i thought i knew what i was doing. i thought i knew how things would turn out. and i lacked the maturity to see that i was too immature for anything like this. but yup i'm moving on. and going on to where God leads me to for now. sort of taking a break from everything and simply immersing myself in having fun and befriending new people! alright. not new people. but rather, getting to know the same people in a new light (: which is cool.

haha alright shall blog about today. today was quite a slack and fun day. Mdm lee still isnt back cos her husband is still not feeling well ): must pray for him. and hope he gets well soon. yepp we had 2 relief teachers for chem spa practice. and hahha the stupid percentage purity was supposed to be 95% but i got 35% percentage purity. damn funny. cos alot of other people got 30+ or 20+ percentage purity too. lol. oh well. at least it isnt the real spa. lol oo and GP teacher couldn't make it for lesson cos she had dry run for opening-ceremony. but she set us work la. had to do some essay outline again. damn fun. shared benjamin's mp3 player while doing it and wowwww he has ALOT of jay chou songs. (: even the really old ones. and the best part about his mp3 player? he didn't have to pay for it -_- and it wasn't a present/free-gift either. haha darn. i want a new mp3 player. anyway today there's cadenza... i still have no idea who i'm going with. =/ hopefully jas chua and smint dont abandon me. but yea jiayou juniors! (: hope everything goes well for them. (: wheee i hope the pits sell flowers at vch cos it's raining and i can't walk to j8 to buy flowers for the juniors + gek + yinrui.

haha apart from that boring what-happened-today rant, i also had a talk with kim after GP ended. which was really quite fun. I really want to continue growing closer to God and to keep shining for Him (: and although i kind of went back on the promise i made to Him at the end of last year, I know He's still waiting for me. to come back to His arms again. so i had to make a stand. and end it all for Jesus my best friend my prince. cos He's worth it.

oh yea. on Monday somebody is going to treat me to free pizza! :D thankyou thankyou! haha you better not pangseh me last minute k. im looking forward to the pizza already :D whee. haha ok ok i shall end off on this happy note.

mable blogged
at |4:15 PM|

Monday, April 03, 2006

alot of things happened today. things that made me think. and think. and think. and after all that thinking, i realised that nothing, and i repeat, nothing is more important to me than God. I will risk anything for my Father, for Jesus my prince, because that kind of sacrifice is nothing compared to the kind of sacrifice God had to make to save us. it's nothing compared to the kind of sacrifice Jesus made for each and every one of us.

You lived to die, rejected and alone. Like a rose, you took the fall. And thought of me. Above All.

Don't ever doubt my faith. don't ever doubt my beliefs. because you weren't there to see me in the mud He first found me in. You don't know how much He's changed me. so please don't assume I'm just some mad delusional imagination-gone-wild lunatic misguided by my imagination. There are scientific facts to back this if you refuse to see the rationale of blind faith then. If you want to pick out the flaws, by all means, I challenge you to. That's what Ralph said at first anyway.

I realise I'm not ready for alot of things. I realise that sometimes it's so damn hard to care for others like Jesus cared for me. I realise that it's darn hard to be as loving as God.

and i'm glad to say that God is truly my one and only.

mable blogged
at |10:06 PM|

Lord i need your strength. I'm getting more and more confused. and Lord although I know you're in control somehow, Lord I need your strength nowww. Give me courage. Whyyyyy is it so damn hard to do what's right sometimes? God i need more direction. Jesus take my hand. Lead me to where you want me to be.

haha today my mommy was in a bad mood so she hurried my brother and we left home like at least 15 mins earlier than usual. so amusing. in the end i reached school at 6.30am! the same time gor reaches school! what an insanely early hour. -_- but i realised it was quite a good thing afterall. (: i managed to chiong my econs remedial worksheet within that extra time. so yes. even though things may seem ridiculous and disgusting on the surface, God has a reason for making such things happen. which is why I'm trying my best to be patient. for God to show me why he's put me in such a situation now. (: Daddy God always has a reason.

haha anyway campus superstar last nite was quite nice. heh i think he sings really well. so yayy! he won. (: lol my bro says he got to meet him in person before. but sigh that's no big deal man. same school. obviously there'd be a chance of meeting him some time or other.

ok i'm feeling really cranky and i can't contact the ge teacher. and shucksssss. weiyi just told me something horrible! i'm stunned >_______< and i feel so URGH. and then at the cliffhanger moment, weiyi left to do her group PI. darn. WEIYIIIII come back and finish your story!!!

haha alrite alrite. i neeed to go now.

mable blogged
at |8:31 AM|

Sunday, April 02, 2006

you can't expect a troll to be like a fairy. that's just stupid. can't you learn to accept the troll for what it is? can't you learn to see the beauty in the troll? fairies aren't perfect anyway. i don't see why anyone'd love a fairy more than a troll. how absolutely disgusting.

the only constant i realise, is you Lord. no matter how imperfect I am, no matter how much of a sinner I am, it's Your amazing love that keeps me going every day. Your love is the only unconditional love one can find in this world.

mable blogged
at |5:32 PM|